The Top 5 Worst Excuses Why Goalies Let Pucks Get By Them:

1) �I was screened (from the red line?)�

2) �I couldn�t see the puck because his stick had black tape on the blade.�

3) �I lost it in the lights.�

4) �I thought they were off-sides (or, I thought I heard a whistle, didn�t you?)�

5) �The boards are really bad here.�

The Top 5 Worst Plays Ever Called By An Attacker:

1) �Follow me.�

2) �Go to the corner and whistle.�

3) �Try and spray the goalie and I�ll shoot.�

4) �Pretend like you�re going to the bench for a change.�

5) �Watch my eyes as I carry the puck.�

The Top 5 Clues When You Shouldn�t Fight a Player:

1) It looks like his last fight was with a razor.

2) The number on the score sheet is being relayed to his parole officer.

3) The player took skating tips from his coach during pregame.

4) The guy working the penalty box know�s the player�s wife.

5) You saw the guy�s coach give him a dog biscuit after his last shift.

The Top 5 Worst Remarks Made By Parents in the Stands:

1) �You should have dove for the pass.�

2) �You should have passed the puck cross-ice in your offensive zone between those two guys to the man in the corner who would have passed it to the point man who would have deked the center and then passed the puck back to you in the slot in a give and go between two guys giving you a one-on-one with the goalie.�

3) �Excuse me while I get my stopwatch.�

4) �I don�t care if he�s only a mite. Kill him! Play the body!�