Goalies: 10 uses for broken water bottles

HockeyPlayer.com

Essay/Humor
Goalies: 10 uses for broken water bottles
By Juneau Hughes
Mar 15, 2002, 13:58

Goalies have both hot and cold streaks. When your game is on, there is no better feeling, and all goalies know what I�m talking about.

But when your game is off, it�s a real drag, eh? And is there anything that punctuates the fact that your game is in the basement than the sight of your water bottle sailing through the air high over your head, landing on the ice with a crash, water flying everywhere, followed by a shower of those little bits of plastic, the remains of what used to be the cap?

And then, besides the sound of the horn, there are the cheers and laughs from the opposing team�s (and sometimes even your own) bench.

What do you do? Well, you can take a bow; skate over and help the linesman pick up the cap pieces; bum a drink from one of your forwards (if they will give you one); return to your crease, and remind yourself a few times that you love this game and that you�re still proud to be a goalie.

Use quality bottles
A popular T-shirt says �Hockey is Life.� In life you learn to take the hard knocks, eh? And in hockey does anyone get more hard knocks than the goalie? My game was in the toilet recently due to an injury, but what really took the punishment was my supply of water bottles.

Now, I don�t dump water on my head with just anything. I use only the finest quality bottles, made in Quebec, so that, while the cap shatters like a boxer�s nose, the 1-liter container always remains intact. The result is a collection of 1/2- and 1-liter containers with no caps. So with the help of my son, I�ve come up with a list of uses for them.

1. As my son demonstrated, they make great flower pots, especially if the shot broke a hole through the bottom, allowing the excess water to run off.

2. Putting it as politely as I can, a recently potty trained child can avoid a disaster in your car, on a long trip with no rest area in sight. (The 1-liter size works best.)

3. Our dogs love to play with them more than those dog toys from the pet store. This is especially useful if the bottle is decorated with the logo of a team you used to like but now despise. (1/2-liter size for a small dog, 1-liter for a dog with big fangs).

4. If you put your ear to it, you can hear the ocean. No need for a sea shell.

5. The 1-liter size is great for mixing paint or plaster for repairs around the house.

6. My son is using one to house part of his bug collection. Cover the top with a piece of thin fabric and hold in place with a rubber band.

7. If the neck of the bottle broke off � this will only happen with a cheap bottle � you can use it to store pucks in your equipment bag. But when you pack for a game and see this bottle in your bag, remember also to bring along a bottle that actually holds water. You don�t want to be thirsty or disappoint anybody shooting at you, eh?

8. Drill small holes in the sides (a cheap bottle may already have enough), tie one end of a string around the neck and a cork in the top � and you have a minnow bucket. Make sure you tie the other end of the string to the boat and hang it in the lake.

9. You can also put a broken water bottle on your net at your next game, to use as a decoy. The shooters can nail the already broken bottle while your real water bottle is hidden safely where only you can find it.

10. At your team�s next party, bring your gear and reenact that Nike commercial with the goalie bumming for money on the street corner, using the broken bottle instead of a tin cup. (If Nike uses this idea in its next commercial I want a cut of the profits.)

I am sure there are thousands of other uses for broken water bottles and maybe if all us goaltenders put our heads together we can write a web page or something. If your bottles don�t look nice due to black rubber all over them they can be covered with white stick tape and decoratively painted (my son excels at this). So the next time a sharpshooter nails your fountain of life, don�t be upset. Be creative. (But focus first, eh? Wait until the game is over and take home as many of the broken pieces you can find � you might need them. Who knows, maybe with enough broken pieces from caps you can actually reconstruct one that works.)

My next story: Uses for broken grilles from the goaltender�s mask. I have quite a collection of those too, but so far have not thought of anything to do with them, except save them for Halloween. At $80-$100 each, I hate to throw them in the garbage.